True Grit

DO THE HOKEY POKEY

By

Hello! Is it me you’re looking for? Yep, throwing out some classic Lionel Ritchie to you on this glorious day. I was thinking that I hadn’t written in so long- like a few months- and then went back and looked…holy shit- 7 months!! Now that is a long time, and of course I have a ton of excuses- all that boil down to me being stressed, busy, my life is so hard blah, blah, blah- and a good third of that time was spent having a pity party for my spoiled, lucky, blessed, privileged self. Which I really have to get over if I plan to ever finish my book and actually get more people beside you fools to read this here blog.

Here are a few of the almost life ending situations that I have faced that have made it impossible for me to set aside an hour to write:

  • It was really hot outside.
  • I ate too much and didn’t exercise and my pants were tight- this obviously was someone/everyone else’s fault but mine.
  • I found out that my kids are not perfect- and of course everyone else’s children ARE perfect, so no one can understand my struggle with this.
  • I couldn’t find anything to watch on Netflix, iTunes, Amazon Prime…OR even HULU (can you imagine such injustice in this day and age?!)
  • I had books stacking up beside my bed- and no one was/is reading them for me for god’s sake!
  • Someone at work was a jackass- like this hasn’t happened before and isn’t going to happen again- so it made a lot of sense to let this one instance kill my soul😉
  • A yard service had the audacity to turn on their leaf blowers while I was on a conference presenting a business plan- that no one was likely listening to anyway.
  • I didn’t get invited to every party.
  • I had nothing to wear to the parties I did get invited to-
  • I had a zit.
  • I didn’t get my exact spot I like at the front of yoga class- I mean seriously?? How can my life go on?
  • I was only able to see A Star is Born twice- think how lonely I have been without Bradley Cooper.
  • The UPS man skipped a day.
  • It was cold and rainy.

So today I am officially checking myself with the self love affirmation “GET OVER YOURSELF”

I am only going to worry/stress about the things that really matter, like for example, the following:

  • Bradley Cooper really may never be looking for a middle aged, married lady with 2 kids and cellulite.
  • My son knows every single thing that can possibly be known about John Cena.
  • I had to sign a concussion release for my daughter to take violin lessons.
  • My mother finds lint removers not only an appropriate present for Christmas, but a wrappable one.
  • The President of the United States is a narcissistic, xenophobic asshole.
  • I live in constant fear that the low-waisted jeans may come back into style.
  • Superica running out of queso- is it possible??

But in all seriousness, the impetus behind this entire blog post is my existential analysis of the Hokey Pokey. Yep. I was listening to some kid’s songs the other day with my son and the Hokey Pokey came on and I just started thinking about how when you are little it is such a fun song “you put your right leg in, you take your right leg out, you put your right leg in and you shake it all about” but as I was listening to it I thought “dude just wait!! life never just shakes one limb- it’s a full body shake” but then the end of the song came on where they say “and you turn yourself around and that’s what it’s all about”. BOOM! MIC DROP!

Turn it around people! Shit happens- but for 99% of anyone that is likely reading this (and definitely true for me)- no one is dying and we live a pretty fucking nice life. Watch the news for 5 minutes or go see A Star is Born and lust after Bradley Cooper- whatever your jam is to turn that frown upside down- get thankful. Thanksgiving is Thursday. Which really only means one thing to me if I am honest: SISTER SCHUBERTS

I leave you with something that if it doesn’t make you laugh out loud something is wrong with you. Best quote: “You mention Oprah several times and me once”. Put your whole self in and shake it all around. If female, have had children and over 40- be careful, you may pee your pants.

Ellen and Michelle at Costco

 

 

 

 

Reader Interactions

Comments

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