Whole 30: Day 24

Day 24: “Why is there tape on your nose?”… “EXACTLY!”. Bottle Rocket, Wes Anderson’s directorial debut with Owen and Luke Wilson, is such a treat. So if you have seen a crappy Owen or Luke Wilson film lately, and there are a lot to choose from, watch Bottle Rocket and all will be redeemed. It’s Wednesday!! Hump day. Just think 24 hrs from now tomorrow will be Friday. See it is all about perspective peeps.

I am in a much better mood this morning. I took a day off nuts yesterday, got some good things accomplished at work and then slept for 9 hours. The sleep on Whole 30 is beyond awesome. Also had a great work day yesterday- I love my job. I am so lucky to get to work at one of the most amazing companies in the world, with super smart people and do something that really makes a difference. Now, there are still days I spend 12 hours on conference calls or 4 hrs fighting with the formatting of a powerpoint but in general it is good stuff. One thing that is required for me to do my work is COFFEE. Not that most people don’t drink coffee, but when your company was founded and based in Seattle it is a requirement.

As all you fine people well know, a working coffeemaker is key to making coffee. Yesterday my coffee maker and I had words. I own a Keurig, which shouldn’t be a shock to anyone due to my expectations that my needs be immediately met. Over the past 5 years I have loved all 3 of mine. Now, many people ask “What was wrong with yours?”, “Why did you get a new one?”, “mine lasted 8 years”.

I will tell you what is wrong. At 5 am (aka an ungodly hour), after I have been rudely awakened by the Dictator demanding eggs and toast I flick on my coffeemaker to make coffee. BUT nooooo, my coffeemaker wants to talk first and remind me to change the filter or clean out some thingy-ma-jig….I don’t really know exactly what the 8 point font on the 1 inch screen said, as I couldn’t find my readers in my uncaffeinated state and also can’t move with a toddler hanging on my leg. So as with past coffeemakers I had the talk. I said “look, here are the things I don’t have time for: filter changing or cleaning out anything- if it wasn’t vital, I wouldn’t even being filling you up with water. So make my fucking coffee pronto or buh-bye. It takes one click on Amazon to replace you my friend, do NOT temp me.”. Then I shook it up and down and hit the side of it. It works now.

Yesterday in our car sing along to our Whole 30 playlist (FYI Come Baby Come is still the #1 most frequently played song) I told Molly that we should come up with singing nicknames. Now Molly’s creativity is along the lines of Brick Tamland in Anchorman (“I love lamp”)…..so I thought it best if I came up with everyone’s names, so here they are:

Doug: Dougie Fresh
Me: Miss Mix-a-lot
Molly: Molly J. Blige
Henry: The Original Gangsta (OG)

Look for us in a traffic jam near you. I am really going to lobby for the creation of a playlist to be added to the Whole 30 rules. I mean if you can’t have alcohol or dairy you should at least be able to shake your tailfeather to Flo Rida whenever the mood hits you.

Here are my 3 things for today:

1. What makes me pee my pants laughing? Wanda Sykes. She is just damn funny and I so love her use of humor to call out/bring to light issues that divide us. I love her ability to highlight that there is more that makes us the same vs. different.

Now, her calls on Crankyankers are amaze-balls, but you have to be 100% ok with literal bathroom humor. Listen at your own risk.

2. Things I love? A good tote bag. Every female loves a good purse, so I want to clarify that this is different- yes I own too many purses that I spent too much money on, but my tote bag obsessions is just as bad. To justify to myself many times I call them “computer bags”…you know, I NEED it for work.

3. Pet Peeves/Things I find redonkulous? That there is a size 0 or better yet a size 00. THAT IS NOT A SIZE! Is the reason because that people who are a size 2 have been denied crackers for most of their lives and at some point a marketing genius said, if they can’t ever have an appetizer let’s give them the joy of the zero? And it just went downhill from there? It just doesn’t make sense.