Whole 30: Day 14

Day 14- “Hey Lama, how about a little something for the effort?”…I thought of this quote yesterday in yoga. At the end of most yoga classes, before Shavasna (called final rest pose…or as I like to refer to it “thank God I did not die” pose) the teacher normally says “take whatever else you need to finish your practice” and then they normally suggest “shoulder stand or plow”. So when I heard this yesterday I thought “you know what I need to finish my practice…CRACKERS, I need crackers and perhaps a beer and a neck rub.

Anyway, back to the quote, I love all things Carl Spackler. I mean what a genius character and not that his mother is likely proud of his esteemed accomplishments- but who the hell after a long day at work, a few glasses of wine, annoying kids and a good episode of RHWOC wouldn’t like to step out on their backporch with a vodka drink and a cigarette (if you are into that kind of thing) and there is Carl, your neighbor just hanging out in his 1980’s beach chair having a PBR ready to tell you about his day??

So last night I went out to dinner for the first time while on the Whole 30. I was lucky enough to be surrounded by loving, understanding and supportive friends…NOT. I did follow all Whole 30 advice: ate before I went, perused menu online to decide ahead of time what is “eatable” so thought I was all good. Then I sat by the devil, and she is mean, and her name is Denny and her sidekick from the inferno, Barrie. Here is what they ordered and passed in front of me for 2 hours: CHEESE plate, PINOT NOIRs (plural), Watermelon TEQUILA drinks, FRIED okra w/ RANCH, Grilled CHEESE. I mean it ain’t right. Below is an unattractive photo, taken by Dante’s photographer, Laurie, of me touching and smelling Denny the Devil’s 3 CHEESE grilled CHEESE.

I ate Vegan Curry and drank 17 club sodas, but in my mind I was eating like Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers, which is possibly one of the best 2-3 minutes in any movie- according to me- video below.

Rule #1 Never eat a grilled cheese next to a Whole 30’er.

So it’s Sunday and normally I would be regretting all my horrible food choices and alcohol consumption from past 36 hours while eating Wheat Thins for breakfast and planning out my lunch and dinner spreads but instead I will be vitamixing various Whole 30 approved sauces while baking a $26 turkey breast from Whole Foods- no shit, it is 5 lbs and cost $26. It better include a personal note from the farmer who fed Earl (that is the name I given to the turkey) by hand various homemade Whole 30 approved foods before he lovingly chopped his head off.

The only that hasn’t changed is the Dictator’s wake up time (5:14 am-6:37 am) and mood (pain in the ass).

My 3 things today:

1. What makes me pee my pants laughing?

Key and Peele. They are smart, funny and I just love the way they bring to life the humor in our differences. At the end of the day there is more we all have in common than different. Now, in full transparency, I work in Diversity and Inclusion, so I nerd out on this a bit. Here is one of their skits that will make you laugh.

“I’ve got my eye on you Jay Quellin”

2. Things I love?

Vince Vaughn. He is funny and hot. And this scene is my favorite. Tooo many good quotes in these 3 minutes to even begin to list.

3. Pet Peeves?

Cotswald shopping center in Charlotte’s parking lot. I have come to realize a poorly designed parking lot is the bane of my existence.