There are things that I just find redonkulous. Sometimes I add to the list, but likely nothing will ever be taken off, as I like to have shit to complain about.
- Passwords. Like if I get rich and famous- before I get a chef or masseuse or a personal garlic mincer I am hiring a personal password assistant that at anytime of the day or night I just shout out “facebook”, “jcrew”, “work email”, “bank”, “credit card Doug doesn’t know about”…and I envision him/her in all black with an earbud- kind of like secret service shouting out answers from a dark corner.
- Adult acne and the fact that the massive underground zit only appears when you are about to stand up in front of a lot of people.
- When the UPS truck slows down in front of your house but does not stop.
- The 20 lb restoration hardware catalog. Just why?
- The amount of time, attention and money required for appropriate hair removal and upkeep at a certain age for females. I can’t even rant about it, as just the thought of shaving, waxing, tweezing, plucking, threading, cutting, coloring or straightening makes me cringe.
- People who act like they don’t like cheese and crackers. In order to be my friend you must acknowledge the gloriousness of this union. NOW, you can certainly choose not to eat this combo all the time due to health issues or skinny jean goals but don’t try to sell me the BS that you don’t like cheese or crackers or any combination of the two. MMDRNF.
- People who lack empathy. I could go off here, but I will keep it brief. Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to me is one of the most essential life skills and if you are raising a human being this better be at the top of your list.
- That there is a size 0 or better yet a size 00. THAT IS NOT A SIZE! Is the reason because that people who are a size 2 have been denied crackers for most of their lives and at some point a marketing genius said, if they can’t ever have an appetizer let’s give them the joy of the zero? And it just went downhill from there? It just doesn’t make sense.
- People that do not write thank you notes on paper. And I have been asked before if this is a “southern thing” and NO, it is just manners. And definitely if you spent a bunch of money on engraved stationary…use that shit!!
- Liars/lying. Just don’t do it. A few caveats as to when it is ok to lie:
- When your child returns from month at camp and asks where that heinous shirt is that they love and you hate. Or the random tchotchkes that are all over their rooms that just disappear over that month. Or in my house 2 hrs after camp drop off.
- On Dr.’s forms in reference to exercise and alcohol consumption.
- When they ask you at grocery store checkout if you found everything you need..and you didn’t…lie and say you did. It’s a grocery store, these people make minimum wage and they truly do not give a shit if you found your honey nut cheerios or not.
- The fact that woman on ALL local and national news cast regardless of locale, time of broadcast, political leanings, etc. all dress like they are about to go to a cocktail party. I just don’t get it. You can look nice and professional without wearing a cocktail dress.
- Whenever there is a tragedy (plane crash, train wreck, earthquake, etc.) and the news specifies how many Americans are among the dead or missing- and I just want to scream “WHO CARES WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS”….like the tragedy would be more or less horrible based on someone’s nationality. Just bugs the Shit out of me!!