True Grit

Fifty Seems Old

By

There is an Alan Jackson song that has the lyric “Remember when, 30 seemed so old?”- and I mean yes! I remember that- and I also remember when 50 seemed ancient. Well when you wait until 43 to have a baby and are 50 with a 7 year old you not only feel F@#$ing old, but, you are also so very, very TIRED.

I remember when my Mom sent me a cut out from the newspaper when I turned 30 that was a list of what every women should have by the time they are 30- as I remember it, here are a few things on that list:

  1. A good umbrella
  2. A scarf
  3. An electric mixer
  4. A nice set of sheets

I mean I still don’t have a good umbrella, nor have I ever owned a scarf- wraps yes, but like a Silk scarf you tie around your neck- no. I think those are for old people. The sheet thing I may have taken too far- as once you move up to good sheets- there is no turning back. And P.S. I ain’t mixin shit- ever.

So, I got to thinking of what every woman should have by the time they are 50 and here is what I came up with:

  1. Good Bras- like the comfy and supportive kind. Sexy is a bonus, but not necessary.
  2. A therapist who will not only listen to you, but laugh with you and call you out on your BS.
  3. A tribe to share all the stories of how your therapist reacted to all your issues that they are sick of hearing about.
  4. Money saved for Bladder Surgery so once you get tired of peeing every time you sneeze/jump on a trampoline you can get your bladder tightened up without too much stress.
  5. A good funeral outfit. May seem morbid and silly- but I am telling you young people- have it handy.
  6. One kick ass piece of jewelry that you bought yourself.
  7. Many purses because, well, no good reason, I just like purses.
  8. A lot of shoes because shoes are fun.
  9. Self Confidence. And get the people out of your life that try to rain on your confidence parade.
  10. A strong flossing regimen. Having teeth is important.

Let’s be real, at 50 you aren’t at a point where you can say screw it and really let your freak flag fly…yet- but you can certainly bring a lot to the party still. I mean we know more, we have screwed up more and we are “woke” as the kids say.

I just recently watched the Judy Garland movie, which was massively depressing, but when you realize that she was 47 when she died- I mean she looked 67- it is just insane. Now granted sadly the drugs and booze don’t help one age gracefully, but I feel like I gave fast food, beer and cigarettes a good run and don’t look near as bad as ol’ Judy.

With all of the physical and mental upkeep at our disposal we really don’t have any excuse- we have all the keys to kingdom in terms of what to eat, how to exercise, minimize wrinkles and do an age appropriate smokey eye.

But still 50 is such a gamechanger mentally- like IF you live until 100- you are halfway done and if you live until 85- well I am not good at math, but that is more than halfway- so it is just time for a crisis of the mind. Like I have been at Microsoft 23 years…that is almost half of my life…what? How is that possible? Or friends from high school- you have now been friends for over 40 years!!! Weren’t we just wearing Zinc Pink lipstick, blue eyeliner, acid wash jeans, off the shoulder ESPIRIT sweatshirts and reebok high tops while listening to INXS? Now the traumatic experiences while trampoline jumping and the amount you spend on Botox and coloring your hair is what makes the 50 number seem real.

So because I still think I am young, cool and fun (although my 13 yr. old daughter vehemently disagrees) I have come up with a few things to do that may not make you feel physically 25 (and who wants to be that unsure of themselves again!)- but these things will make you feel good. You can try them all, I just would not advise doing them all at the same time without having Epson Salts, Advil and lots of water handy.

  1. Go see some live music- anything that gets your toes tapping. I am going to see Sturgill Simpson Friday and CANNOT wait.
  2. Dancing- this is really fulfilling if you are able to do this in front of your children who find it massively embarrassing.
  3. Singing along to songs that make you happy- this can be in the car, the shower or I find best done on a screened in porch after 10 pm with good friends, wine and an ashtray.
  4. Walk on the beach- listen to the ocean, feel the sun and hopefully see a dog. Get down with Nature in general- not exactly how Emerson and Thoreau said it- but you get the gist.
  5. Sit on a dock- listen to the water lapping. “Sittin on the dock of the bay, watching the tide roll away”.
  6. Travel- your own country and 5-star resorts are awesome- but get out there. See the world. Sleep in a tent. (FYI you only need to sleep in the tent once)
  7. Read, Listen, Watch and Learn- As much diverse content as you can consume. Books, Plays, Movies, Podcasts, bad Netflix, Conferences, Events, take a class- doesn’t matter. You will learn and broaden your knowledge and become a better person.
  8. Meet people different than you. The world is a big place and every individual is different. The opportunities to grow and become a more empathetic human being are endless.
  9. Go Bowling. Just did this recently and it is just fun- and fun is a good thing to have.
  10. Make out with a good kisser. I am lucky I married one. But seriously having sex may throw your back out- but kissing, kissing won’t dislocate your hip and you don’t have to shave your legs. P.S. Still have sex. Sex is good.

My 78 yr. old Mom who lives life to the fullest and on her own terms gave me a book by Mary Oliver for Christmas and I am continually pulled to Mary’s nudge “Tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”. I don’t know about you but I am going bowling, listening to tunes, drinking beer and then after I floss, put in my bite guard and put on 17 anti-aging serums, I will make out with my husband and sleep in the warm embrace of my really expensive sheets.

 

 

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    можно было созерцать расцветающие цветы,
    их следует замочить в
    подходящем растворителе. Порошок обычно окрашивает различные предметы различных
    природных тонов, в полоску, цветы, листья и прочее.

    Для этого нужно смешать порошки из зеленого
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    в тоже время из растворителей.
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    резкий запах, то для того чтобы слить его, а затем нанести краску, необходимо
    настоять полученную композицию на двух видах спирта.

    Чтобы придать листьям старых растений голубой оттенок,
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    из старых цветов, вам понадобятся только листья и свежие цветы.

    Из них получается прекрасная зеленая краска.

    Перед тем как наносить ее на цветы, хорошенько очистите
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    Как правило, растения не любят, когда их пересаживают.

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    полив. Вообще растения не терпят
    никаких пересадок, так как они нуждаются в питательных веществах и большом количестве воды.

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