Being Good Rich

Good rich and bad rich. I think there is a difference. Kind of like Seinfeld had good naked and bad naked. I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I have begun writing my book and putting all the experiences and characters in my life in an outline. If making money is based on knowing good characters, I am going to be a billionaire. I mean seriously people I have started casting the movie in my head. My Mom (Jessica Lange), my Dads (Willie Nelson and Burt Reynolds- yes, there were 2 dads- side note, my Mom really did date Burt Reynolds in college), my sister (Amy Schumer), The Dictator, extended family and friends- and best of all ME (I still have not come up with who will have the coveted task of playing moi)- it is a goldmine of pee your pants stuff. I am going to give Carrie Fisher a run for her money when it comes to making money off dysfunction.

I was reminded last night about a time I had brought some friends with me to visit my Mom out west during one of her “Chapters”. My Mom was riding her lawn mower around her ranch (yes, she owned a ranch- this was during her Cowboy Peggy phase, not to be confused with Mountain Peggy or Lake Peggy) with her Bret Michaels headband on, overalls and pink Birkenstocks and one friend turns to me and says “It is truly a miracle you are not more fucked up”. True dat.

So back to being rich. I have fantasized about how good I would be at being really rich. Now let’s be clear- I live and have lived an insanely privileged life. I also spend a shitload of money on things I shouldn’t- not to a dangerous level, like risk of not paying my mortgage, but lets just say my savings account could be bigger. I spend too much money on clothes, shoes, books, makeup, purses, Pajamas, cocktail napkins, coffee cups and stationary/cards/notepads. And I should give more money away to help those less fortunate than me, to my kid’s school, to church and to various causes I feel passionate about. I am a bad, bad person. I sometimes like to talk to God in my head and tell him all the kind, good thoughts I have had about others or the number of times I smiled at strangers in the grocery store (which OF COURSE made their day so bright)- as if good thoughts/smiles were VIK for grace/forgiveness for all the stupid shit I do. It is kind a like a spiritual version patting oneself on the back.

Anyhoo, I just think I would be really good at being filthy rich. Mainly because the second thought I have (right after I envision the dream sequence of me in a pair of awesome pajamas waking up with Doug/Bradley Cooper somewhere tropical) always includes me taking a very select group of friends and family on a jet to Lake Como where we will eat, drink and be merry until you feel you can no longer mooch off me or you have to go back to work. You can start jockeying for your spot now. Gifts are welcome.

I just think if you are really loaded you need to do 2 things:

1. Enjoy the shit out of life- and make sure your friends and family benefit from success/luck. I seriously think it would be the coolest thing ever to be able to buy everyone you knew kick ass birthday gifts- like Oprah. But I don’t think Oprah parties enough. Maybe she needs new friends?

2. Be fully aware of how insanely privileged/lucky/blessed you are. My biggest pet peeve is anyone who is NOT aware of how fortunate they are vs. the rest of the world. Like don’t be ashamed of it, I cannot begrudge anyone that enjoys their wealth- but just don’t be a jackass. Like know when what you are experiencing what I like to call a “rich white girl problem” vs. a REAL problem. Example: When you say “OMG I need art, my walls are so blank”. In the same tone as “Did you know Bob has cancer?”. And yes, I did this. That example is me. I am a bad, bad person.

So the above would be good rich. And bad rich is when you just act like a total asshole. Celebrity examples of this are all things Kardashian and Hilton. Bad Rich is multiplied if you are rich and famous for no reason. That’s all.

If I ever become a rich asshole please call my personal assistant and have them call my personal butler who can bring the phone to me poolside at my villa in Tuscany so I can tell you I am sorry.

On the Whole 30 side of things, I am 1 month post Whole 30 and I have maintained my weight/weightloss even with the debaucherous eatathon in Atlanta last weekend. I am still eating Whole 30ish 85% of the time. The things that have bothered my stomach are Red Wine and fried foods- luckily I did not eat/drink these together. Everything else non-Whole 30 I have eaten has been delightful.

I will leave you with this instructional video which may make you pee your pants. “Don’t go ninjaing people that don’t need ninjaing”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_j1-xQA_ufE