Day 21: “Do you think he wants some cheese?” This is one of my top ten favorite quotes from Arthur. A Dudley Moore masterpiece in my opinion. Back to cheese, yes I would like some, and a wheat thin with some wine and a hand behind the neck kiss from Bradley Cooper…but you know what I will get today??? None of that!…. but I will get nuts and LaCroix. Nuts, nuts, nuts. I AM SO SICK OF NUTS!
Now, if I had a dollar for every nut I ate, I would be loaded. So with all the extra time I have while I am not opening wine bottles and recycling my wheat thin boxes I like to dream about if I was loaded what I would do. Honestly though none of it seems any fun without alcohol, cheese and crackers. Whoever had an awesome vacation and talked about the nuts? Like nuts are the losers of the appetizer category- if you really like someone you are making a 7 layer dip or spending like $200 on cheese at Reids but if the “we HAVE to have them over for a drink” people show up- they get a bowl of nuts. If you show up at someone’s house for cocktails/dinner and there is a bowl of nuts you know your place- if you don’t even get a fancy nut mix you are really a loser.
I don’t want to be a loser and hence am going anti-nut post Whole 30. I envision myself as like a cheese eating superwoman. I think Doug is worried.
Not that I sold Doug a false bill of goods, but there may have been some mis-representation of some of my interests before we got engaged. I just do not enjoy watching sports on TV. I do like going to sporting events on occasion, but if it isn’t a UGA football game with really good food, fun people and loads of drinks (which, this is always the case GO DAWGS!)- I just don’t like it and then you add the TV aspect and sports that I find really boring like professional anything and basketball of all types..ugghhhh.
But for a solid year I watched everything from Panther’s games to golf to college basketball because I was in love with Dougie. For 250 nights I watched some sort of sport EVERY night and the only way I would get through this was a full sideline report in my brain analyzing uniform colors, who has nice buttocks, who needs a haircut, if this were a lifetime movie which player would be Morgan Fairchild’s long lost son she gave up for adoption, etc.- so sometimes I would zone out- but could always come back and answer a question if needed. I am telling you people, this was academy award winning shit I was putting out there. UNTIL, one night, I had just gone off the reservation for like 30 minutes and felt like I needed to say something so I look up at the TV, soak in the visual and say to Doug, “Who in the world would seriously name their child Marquette Syracuse?? That is just ridiculous” (to clarify I thought the score feed at the bottom of ESPN was the name of the players on the court) Doug looked at me and just fell out of his chair laughing. He proposed a few weeks later and we have never watched sports together again.
Speaking of getting married. I like to think of various scenarios I would love to be part of/witness to in my lifetime- one of these “visions” is of someone/a bride going down the aisle, not to the wedding march, but to Carly Simon’s “Nobody does it better” singing into her bouquet while sashaying toward her groom and acknowledging guests along the way. This image just brings me great giggles. Now, I have already done this bride thing twice and I finally got it right, but am pretty sure if I had brought up this option to Doug 4 years ago, my life would have taken a very different turn.
It is Sunday, so of course, I am going to church. Not just going, skipping to church…while I am praying I will say to God “Yo, JC, back left middle you got a “body is a temple thing going on” and my halo will say “no dairy, no grains, no alcohol, no sugar”. When you cross gluttony off the list, the list of sins really diminishes. I love my neighbors, haven’t killed anyone lately, etc.- so I am expecting to get a fast pass on the confessing sin part of the service.
My 3 things for today:
- What makes me pee my pants laughing? Steve Martin. And I mean there are so many good movies and clips. If you haven’t seen The Jerk, you really haven’t lived. Navin Johnson will change your life. “I am picking out a thermos for you..” It is a gift. But below is one that they play every year on the SNL Christmas special and it kills me. I am thinking of making my own version that includes cheese and wheatthins.
- Things I love? The Georgia Bulldogs and Larry Munson. They are truly the fabric and soundtrack of my childhood. For anyone that doesn’t know my Dad (aka Snake) was one of the biggest UGA fans that ever lived. He did not miss a home game for 50 years. He also did not talk to me for a year when I went to UC Boulder vs. Georgia. My freshman year he did not pay my second semester tuition because he had to re-carpet the Chi Phi house. I will neither confirm or deny whether is ashes are ‘tween the hedges.
- Pet Peeves/Shit I find redonkulous? Liars/lying. Just don’t do it. A few caveats as to when it is ok to lie:
- When your child returns from month at camp and asks where that heinous shirt is that they love and you hate. Or the random tchotchkes that are all over their rooms that just disappear over that month. Or in my house 2 hrs after camp drop off.
- On Dr.’s forms in reference to exercise and alcohol consumption.
- When they ask you at grocery store checkout if you found everything you need..and you didn’t…lie and say you did. It’s a grocery store, these people make minimum wage and they truly do not give a shit if you found your honey nut cheerios or not.