DAY 12/Post Whole 30- WTF? It is a question often put forward, but rarely answered. So as I travelled this past week for business I thought I would share the times/situations that arose this week where I thought to myself (or said out loud) WTF?.
So today is the 42nd day of no diet coke, no bread, no pasta, one night of cheese and only a couple of glasses of wine and crackers…. outside of the evening that will live infamy….wheatthinpalooza. So I have been living on the Whole 30 regimen I would guesstimate 85% of the time. And I have not had a nut since day 31….and guess what, I have lost another 3 pounds in the past 10 days- even with a few digressions..blame it on the nut I always say. Down with the nut!
So lets begin last Sunday as I arrive at the airport and go up to the priority counter- because, as I am sure you are aware, I am kind of a big deal. Reality is that after 20 years at a multi-national company based on the west coast and you live on the east coast, you get the miles and the status whether you deserve them or not, but the random person working at the check in counter doesn’t know that. I could be CEO of my own cracker company, the inventor of spanx or Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago.
I always like to be really polite to anyone in the service industry, and not just from a moral imperative/pay it forward perspective- it is totally selfish…I want to be the nice, yet oddly important, lady they encountered that day. I imagine them telling their friends when watching me talking about my new bestselling book with Hoda&KLG, “I helped her once at the airport. She was soooooooooooooo nice.” Anyhoo, I walk up to the counter to claim my well deserved upgrade and check my bag. Well, ”Donna” was in no mood to chat, nor hear about my day and ends up she does not have kids or a dog, so alas my chitty chat go-tos were screwed! I did get my upgrade, but my bag weighed over 50 pounds (weather in Seattle can be unpredictable and you never know what you want to wear on a day of rain with possible sun or on a day with rain and more rain”) and most importantly- according to Donna my tote bag was not a purse it was a carry on. I will not bore you with the dialog, but net is she seriously wanted to educate me for 5 minutes as a FYI about the difference. This is with a line of stressed out people behind me. WTF Donna? WTF? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
I get to Seattle at 7 pm pacific, and realize this is the day after wheatthinpalooza and I am a little tired after all the dancing and all. I brought all Whole 30 approved snacks on the plane and had some chicken for dinner. I was so excited to be on my 5th day of no nut eating you just can’t imagine. I get to my hotel and at around 9 pm pacific I want a little salty snack and I thought I would reward myself and just have anything I wanted- so I pull open the drawer with the mini-bar snack options with great anticipation. It was seriously like a cruel joke- there were no pretzels, no potato chips, no crackers- there were 7 different kind of NUTS and NUTMIXES……WTF?
I make it through 4 full day of meetings in corporate America without one bite of the carbs that were “pushed” on me. No premade muffins, danishes nor boxed lunch sandwich crossed my lips. The daytime long meeting/offsites are the devils workshop when it comes to unhealthy food habits. Even if there are Kind bars and freshfruit, no human needs 3 bananas or 4 kind bars just to kill the time in between powerpoint presentations. I drank my weight in seltzer water. So Friday morning comes along and I am off to meet a new group I will be working with and I walk in and BOOM not only are there croissants as big as my head, they smell like heaven and after like 10 minutes one of my new friends says “they are from a local french bakery…VERY authentic.” WELLLLLL, who am I if not authentic???? So I caved, I tore off a piece of a croissant and ate the shit out of it, but then I threw the rest away. WTF?????? Why did I do that??? WTF? Needless to say I was VERY proud of myself. So I had a vodka soda AND a glass of wine at dinner. I have witnesses to both of these instances.
In the vein of WTF? I close with one of my favorite things…”How is this still a thing” by John Oliver. This is one of my favorites of this series. Sorry my British friends.