Admit it, is there a better triple entendre??? I mean a word that can mean hot dog, penis or Dachshund? PUH-lease, there is nothing better. AND it is so dang fun to say “WIENER, WIENER, WIENER”- I don’t care if you are 3 or 100, it will make you smile just saying it. Now, we could debate all day long which type of wieners are best, but I am just flat out claiming the hot dog as the wiener winner. And in my opinion it is a mustard only hotdog…French’s yellow mustard.
So today is Day 14 of the not so Whole 30 and last night I went to a baseball game and that was it, didn’t even make it through the first inning. The Pavlovian response hit me like I back at Fulton County stadium watching Dale Murphy…”MUST HAVE HOT DOG” and ya know once you are eating pig parts in a fat/nitrate/sodium bomb, why not have a brewski? And literally within twenty minutes of consuming I was ready to get in bed and would have gone right to sleep if Netflix hadn’t released BLOODLINE season 3, damn them! I must find out what those morally corrupt Rayburns will do next. And you know what they never do on that show? Eat! I think that is why they are bad, horrible people.
Good news: I am still 6 pounds less than I was 2 weeks ago, even with the cited above disgusting transgressions, which I think tells you just how shitty my diet is in general. I also worked out yesterday for the first time in like 3 months, probably longer, it felt awesome- in between the moments when I didn’t think I would puke or pass out. So I may just try it again tomorrow- or maybe not, we shall see. I am just going to try to stick to the food for 6 more days. Then allow myself some indulgences for a week at the beach while maintaining a Whole 30 breakfast and lunch. I just have to keep reminding myself the days of wine, bread and cheese are over- like I feel like you can abuse the temple until you are 40 and then it is like God gets a good belly laugh of switching on the ol’ metabolism slow down and thinks to himself ”now try to eat some brie!”. I will now embrace my new depressing reality of celery and vodka soda…with the occasional wiener of course. I am sure it is clear to all that moderation is not my forte- except when it comes to chia seeds, quinoa and wheat grass- I can really moderate my consumption of those.
Other things I am good at moderating, but not so good at tolerating:
- Exposure to mean people
- Exposure to stupid people
I am really busy today trying to figure out how I will make it six more days half assing the Whole 30- especially because I have another business trip, which includes 2 full days in conference rooms with pastries and box lunches, dinner my coworkers who like to eat and drink and the redeye home. There are a lot of pros of work travel, I am not gonna lie: Quiet hotel rooms, room service, cut up fruit, more hours to do email, etc. but it ain’t all sexy. Anyone who has done redeyes throughout their adult lives know this truth: it either doesn’t bother you or after you turn 40 the redeye is like a beating and a brutal hangover combined in one. Just calling out that come Friday, post redeye Thursday night, I will be a A-class tired bitch. I have a pretty awesome life so I will keep my whining at a minimum, but just putting the warning out there.
One random piece of advice for business travelers, when you have been gone for a week and get a call that starts off with no greeting but a gruff “when are you coming home???”, responding with “ hold on a minute my breakfast is here” and then “guess what, I just got upgraded”- just not an appropriate response…trust me, it will not be well received by spouse at home manning the fort.
As I am typing this, in my “office” (aka dining room) I can see my neighbor’s eldest daughter packing up the car on the way to the beach for her senior trip after just graduating high school- smart, beautiful and sweet….so envious of her trip…and her metabolism…. -side note: our house is on a corner and has a lot of windows, it is not that I am a creepy old lady spying on my neighbor’s kids..I am just hangry.