So it is Day 20 of the Whole 30 round two and let’s just say, it has not been so wholesome. I have lost 8 pounds so far- now, right here is where the non-wholesome thing starts as if you are true to the Whole 30 experience of changing your relationship with food, you fully embrace the fact that is not a diet and you do not weigh yourself until Day 31. But, I am sorry, unless you are in the extreme minority of people looking to gain weight (which I don’t want to mock, as there can be serious illnesses/issues around this) everyone is interested in losing weight- and especially those of us who have spent a lot of money of our skinny jeans. And speaking of jeans I have never been a fan of the terms “skinny”, “wide leg”, “boot cut” or god forbid “cropped”, these are just horrible terms. Someone finally started earning their keep in the marketing department at Citizens of Humanity and came up with the “Sculpt” collection- now this is a jean term I can fully embrace. Why? Because they have a “high-rise” (still a bad term but very important piece of the design for those opposed to showing our ass cracks or muffin tops) version- it is kind of like levis married spanx and then had a torrid affair with some polyester hooker. Buy these jeans people- you will thank me. And please note that sculpting doesn’t come cheap…jeans or plastic surgery.
Back to the Half ass fifteen- here is how I have digressed/cheated. I have had a couple, a few many LaCroixs with vodka in them in the evenings and I had chips and queso one night, some saltines and chicken pot pie for dinner last night. Now, I am a chicken pot pie connoisseur and I can tell you that this chicken pot pie is worth it. And sadly she doesn’t ship, so you have to be local to taste this nectar of the Gods…but it is worth every bite. People in Charlotte, you have to plan ahead as Len is a one woman show and is sold out/booked up months in advance. I cannot put into words how good this pie is: all white meat shredded chicken with minced carrots, onion and celery…and duhhh, flour, cream and butter- but it is the chicken that is important and there are NO PEAS, no springs of rosemary (I can’t stand it when chicken pot pies try to get fancy) and no cream of mushroom consistency, which frankly grosses me out- and OMG the crust, you just want to spend some quality time with it. So the past few sentences should give you some solid insight into my relationship with food.
I have not had any wine, bread, anything fried, any cheese (outside of aforementioned queso)or wheat thins. Even with all of that I have still lost 8 pounds, so am pretty sure I have figured it out: Wine, Bread and Cheese make you fat. So there. I am going to stop counting days after the my actually 30th day and just try to go forward with the concept of moderation in all things except mentally just tell myself I cannot under any circumstances drink wine or eat bread and cheese. So far in my life I have proven pretty extraordinarily that I have no problem living in the land of denial…so this likely will not work, but hopefully I will be to break some of my multitude of bad habits.
A couple things I noticed this week I wanted to share. An Instagram friend (and there is a difference of people you actually have a strong personal relationship with and the people that you think you do based on seeing their shit on Instagram)- anyhoo, this person posted a picture of them and their child to say “Happy Birthday” to their spawn, but what was funny is that it was a horrible picture of their child, but was a great picture of the Mom. Now, I am not saying that I wouldn’t do the same thing- I mean it isn’t like a Sophie’s Choice type thing- you are just sacrificing your offspring to utilize your new FaceTune app and ensure your botox is getting some play. And you can ask my husband, there is not one framed couple or family photo in our house which isn’t good of me. I have developed a term for this Instagram “self preservation”, especially when done to friends- good of you/bad of them post- I shall forthwith call this “Allaboutmegram”.
Another thing that occurred to me this week, when I saw this man, who was likely late 50s/early 60s in grocery store and he looked sooo familiar. And I kept trying to figure out how I knew him and then I realized it was from someone’s wedding like 10 or 15 yrs ago and it got me thinking about “wedding friends”. Now, you people that don’t drink or have boring friends and family will not know of what I speak- but everyone else will. Now I will admit that in your late 20’s/early 30’s most wedding friends are made in the bathroom, on the dancefloor, at the bar or outside in the smoking section. I have said it before and will say it again- it is gross, it will kill you- but there are always fun people in the smoking section. And when I say friends, I mean these are people that for 2-4 hours you become so tight with that if there had been cell phones, Instagram, facebook, snapchat back in the day- there would many a Sunday morning creeps happening to people in regards to friends made the night before. I do want to clarify- I am not talking romance or hook up of any kind- just friends, people you decide you have so much in common with/have fun with that you HAVE to stay in touch. Let us just all give thanks that at least when my age group was on the wedding circuit there was no technology and finding a pen and paper was not a priority- it was all talk. As an example, here are a few of my favorite wedding friends :
- Uncle Norm, from Cincinnati who smoked cigars and thought the mother of the bride was “one hot little number”
- Liz, who set up the bride and groom and bummed a smoke from anyone she told. She told everyone.
- Jamal, who was going to take all the bridesmaids out in his limo after he bought us shots at the bar- ended up that Jamal crashed the wedding and had a 1988 Bronco.
And one last thing. I think hashtagging is fun, kind of annoying and a definite skill- and on a scale of 1-10 (10 being really good at hashtagging) I fancy myself like a good, solid 5. So here’s the thing, don’t just hashtag to hashtag- if you aren’t cross promoting, marketing, being exceptionally clever and funny – just don’t do it. You can’t take back a dorky hashtag.
I was reminded of this video which combines 3 things I love: Jimmy Fallon, Justin Timberlake and making fun of hashtagging.