So it is 7:45 PM and I have been in bed with my PJs on since 7:30 taking selfies to determine which side of my face has the worst sun damage. It’s exciting stuff over here I tell ya. But here’s a piece of advice for doing the Whole 30 or really life- if you hang out near the kitchen or even worse watch TV near the kitchen at night your amygdala is going to tell you that you will be so much more satisfied in life if you eat something…especially something sweet or savory….and especially when you accompany that with alcohol. So I like to get right to the root cause and as soon as I eat dinner- I put on my PJs, brush my teeth and get in bed. Now this is likely why I have binged watched everything deemed remotely decent on Netflix and then watched some realllly bad shows just to kill time…ya know until I take an Ambien. Also no commercials on Netflix so you can’t be enticed or pissed to see other people getting their eat on!
I used to try to do work and catch up on email in the evenings the first time I did the Whole 30, but I realized I am too hangry to focus, be smart or have an adult conversation. Reality is you are truly full on the Whole 30, for me the hangry is all psychological. It ends up I luckily don’t have withdrawals from cheese, crackers, wine, bread, chips and other assorted carbs…just generalized sadness at not being able to snack.
Henry’s behavior is challenged by his inability to control his impulses- it is truly a medical, genetic mystery how he came to possess such a lack of self control??? My mother and godmother however claim to have witnessed a very similar case and swear at age 5 some sort of maturity takes over and it is no longer necessary to make said child sit UNDER the table at dinner. They claim child can actually turn out to be a pretty ok adult. Come to think of it Henry and I do have a lot in common- we go to bed at the same time, both really enjoy a good pair of pajamas and like to swing- so really the only difference is that I don’t poop in my pull up….not yet anyway.
So now I am really thinking I may need to go have a banana or something else non-satisfying, but first I shall make a list.
Things I forgot about the Whole 30, and haven’t missed:
- There is a lot of chopping involved
- There is a lot of mixing/pureeing involved
- There is a lot of measuring involved
- Coconut Aminos are not easy to find…and I still don’t quite understand what it is.
- Overall too many pots, pans and every other kind of kitchen utensil are required to prepare every meal- literally looks like a bomb exploded in my kitchen twice a day.
Now this is likely relative as I live on the extremes- either getting a pizza delivered or making a 20 ingredient Whole 30 dish- if you cook normally you probably would not be phased by the above list, except for the Coconut Aminos. WTF is it?
I would not have to ponder these questions if I could keep myself along the straight and narrow path, but I am weak. The fruity drinks on the beach are truly where I am placing the bulk of the blame for taking me down the road to Babylon. It starts off quite innocently- first you are just having a daiquiri your first day on the beach, but let’s be clear once you drink rum- in the sun- on vacation- with no children to take care of- you are having two and after that there is no way in hell you are having a salad for dinner. First because you have already calculated that you have drank over a 1,000 calories of sugar so screw it who cares and then secondly, you need some solid carbs to soak up the rum and ensure a solid night’s sleep.
So my swollen fingers, tight pants, sun damage and poor eating decisions are all to be blamed on the Capt’n. ARGGGGHHHH!