So last night since I wasn’t eating or drinking and I really needed to cover up my sun damage and undereye circles, I went to the mall to buy concealer (ONE THING)…..and yep, you called it, walked out of there an hour later with no concealer, but a whole new “face”. Now, this may not happen to people who are born with beautiful skin, have any confidence in applying make-up or most importantly self-control when exposed to bright and shiny things, but the mall cosmetics area or worse Cosmetic stores like Woo! are crack dens for me. It’s all so purdy and it smells nice and I feel like I really, really need it- if you get me in a chair I am done-ski. AND if I am in New York and there has been day drinking I am making the make-up artist’s mortgage payment.
I was moisturized, concealed, brightened and contoured very lovingly and with great competence by Tim, Meg, Jennifer and Rhoda. Yes, I was a tragic case that multiple make-up artists took pity on- they were like a Mission Impossible team- appalled by my lack of commitment to moisturizing and dearth of general knowledge of how to apply foundation.
I looked good people, I was ready to come home and get crazy and grill some chicken and watch Netflix. But here is the rub, I just spent an absurd amount of money on stuff that looks really good when Tim or Meg are around, but unless I plan on having them move in and apply my makeup every morning- the odds of me truly being able to replicate my new “look” is about nil. Most of it I will use, just not at the level that anyone would be impressed by. What I will not use EVER by myself is eyeshadow. Like I lack a complete inability to apply eyeshadow, which you know in terms of life skills I am ok with not mastering, it is just more sad that at 47, so I have been wearing makeup for over 30 years- over 10,000 days (btw this calculation required a calculator) of applying makeup and I can’t do it- that is just pathetic. So, yet another “eye trio” that I will use twice, look like a drunk Cleopatra after doing so and never use again will go to the drawer I have deemed “the eye shadow graveyard”.
So anyone that sees me this weekend will get a glimpse of my new face and if I look like I just went 5 rounds with Mike Tyson it is likely because I attempted the smoky eye look.
I really want crackers and some rose.