I have had this weird nagging feeling lately that I have shit that needs to be resolved and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. All is well…well except for the fact that the Dictator is the Dictator and he still finds pooping in the potty his personal insurmountable obstacle…then I finally realized it is because this past year I have not succeeded in making a solid girls weekend happen. And you know what the best part of any girls weekend is? Well, outside of the fact that you wake up with no one to take care of – you wake up for two, really optimally 3 mornings in a row and enjoy coffee talk!
It has been my experience that there is no problem that can’t be solved, no stress that can’t be allayed, no topic that cannot be enhanced/driven into the ground, no new beauty product that cannot be fully analyzed and no gossip that cannot be fully dissected during some solid coffee talk.
There are a common set of circumstances that need to be in place for true coffee talk to occur:
- Good group of your window wavers (aka best friends)
- Computer/Phones for immediate lookup of random people and products on the internet to enhance discussions, find out answers, settle disputes
- Water view a bonus
- Hangovers a super bonus and normally par for the course
The only thing that changes with age for girls weekends and coffee talk is that you realize at about age 40 that most of you are one trick ponies and as much as you try to pace yourself everyone comes out of the gate HOT on the first night, so by the 2nd or 3rd morning your conversations eventually move to more serious discussions of “can you believe we stayed up til 10”, what you binged watched on Netflix once everyone went to “bed” at 10, math homework you can’t understand, the nightmares of carpools, how to handle mean girls and why all men are the same. Men wish we spent all our time talking about sex, but sadly no, the latest tinted moisturizer or grocery delivery app takes up way more time guys, sorry.
The past few years my friends and I have gotten so excited about these weekends and are fully aware of our memory lapses and ADHD tendencies that we started a “to be discussed” list that we literally printed out and prioritized. I went into the depths of my email and found the actual list from last year.
- People we are about to de-friend on Facebook…..
- Why are random Russian Women following me on Instagram?
- Perverse old people joy of limb popping….neck, fingers, ankles, back, ever growing thighs, etc
- Were my thighs this big when I went to bed last night?
- When do I get to quit working?
- My own private Orange is New Black episode
- Ex Husbands
- Current Husbands
- All children
- General physical/health/old people Woes
- New Product Finds
- Plastic Surgery Plans (aka nips, sucks and tucks)
- TV Shows/Movies
- Various people who have become trainwrecks
- How our mothers have scarred us psychologically
- Underwear that fits old people ass
I mean, I am sorry, but if that doesn’t sound that the most awesome weekend ever, I do not know what does. Linda Richmond would be pumped. Topics to avoid not only on girls weekend, but also at work meetings and when watching the world series with your husband (trust me) are: Politics, Politics, Politics.
P.S. To all my lifelong besties and current BFFs, do not fear I am well aware of the fodder and stories you have on me so any stories that will be shared on this blog or in my book you will have full consultation on and all names will be removed to protect the not so innocent. But as we all know, the funniest stories are about me anyway;-)