So recently spring break and Easter weekend were on the horizon and I was pumped, as my happy place is with friends and family surrounded by warmth and water- I am partial to ocean and lake beachfronts but I do love snow/mtns/skiing too. Reality is I just haven’t had the opportunity/made skiing a priority in the last twenty years, which is massively depressing as I found so much joy and fun and friendship skiing and in the snow throughout high school and college. I think because the beach is more accessible and honestly cheaper and easier to get to…and in general the outfits and accommodations are less expensive at the beach. Bar bills about the same for beach, lake or mtns in my experience.
Anyhoo, as I prepared for spring break and Easter vaca, which unfortunately this year did not fall on the same week…so alas we had to take two vacations😉 I found myself ensuring the fake tan was in play before I hit the beach. Especially since I did not work out from Christmas til the end of March. Yes, for 3 months I was a sloth. I pretty much stuck to the Whole 30 food, with the addition of wine and cocktails and shockingly did not gain weight…primarily because I lost every ounce of muscle tone I ever thought to have had. Now, I am lucky as genetically I keep some basic muscle tone that keep me from looking like the Pillsbury dough boy, but it still is kind of gross. But the reality is that after the spray tan, some hair coloring and strategically injected Botox you can pull off a fresh kind of healthy look. And I went to the beach still fitting in all my skinny clothes, bathing suits still fit and the part of the stomach or ass that had loss muscle tone was camouflaged by the expertly applied spray tan….I mean it could work, I was feeling pretty good that not too many people would notice I was a lazy, flabby piece of shit.
UNTIL I go to yoga the day before I leave for the beach and I fit in the yoga clothes and standing up poses and plank, twists…I was bringing it…still looking pretty good. BUT then came handstand, shoulder stand, plow, and the feared dead man’s pose…..oohhhhhh my friends it wasn’t pretty. Like all that skin, fat, untoned muscled that behaved so well standing up and vertical poses just turned it into full dead weight flab upside down- I was being assaulted by own stomach rolls.
So I thought right then- just don’t ever go upside down on vacation- I mean I don’t know what type of vacations you go on, but I felt this was a safe conviction to make …I aint going upside down.
And in a beach chair I can achieve a pose I like to call “she isn’t 30 but she’s not 50 and she may not be a supermodel, but I am not gonna laugh at her”….so I go with it.
That was until I decided to go in the pool with Henry. I was so excited because I still have a pretty flat stomach (standing up)- I mean it isn’t a six pack..but it also isn’t rolin rollin rollin (standing up). Just a side note here- it is almost impossible to find a bathing suit with full bottom coverage- even if your rear end is small and toned….I just find it odd to have all your bits hanging out, but after going to the beach in 2017 it has been validated that I am in the minority here in terms of liking full bottom coverage.
SO I get in the pool with Henry and tell him we are going to run or bounce through the water. If you ever want to know how much of your body is fat-screw that medieval tool that pinches your skin- just jog underwater for a minute- it is like a seismic episode was happening to the lower half to my body…like if I was slow motion running- the fat on hips, but and legs was like 10 seconds behind the rest of my body- reverberating in the water- it was horrid.
So I decided Doug should get in the pool with Henry and I was much better off in my cute bikini, pool side, at the bar, on a stool that offered a really good angle for leg crossing….and they offered a peach daiquiri with a rum floater- the color of which delightfully matched my bathing suit.
My point here people is you can feel confident for only too long until the world slaps you in your face with a little reality. Now granted if I actually worked out every day and ate healthy all the time these would not be problems. But I would have no fun, no friends and nothing to write about.
I leave you today with this jolly gentleman who brings his jam to with such gusto and fervor it will make your heart happy. And you know what, he is exercising and we aren’t!